Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Viewer Discretion Advised...

Mom started loosing her hair today. It was weird. I knew she had cancer but up until now she looked fine. By fine I mean “not sick”. I am so used to seeing the cancer patient on tv with no hair, the woman with the turban on her head or the baseball cap/dew rag combo out in public that meant “Yes I am a cancer patient”.  It is a strange thing to hear-“Mom started losing her hair today-she said it came out in clumps in the shower”. But to actually see her with the stray blonde hairs covering her shoulders-ones she didn’t even know she had lost yet-is completely different. She was up eating and talking-had even gotten out of bed to eat the delicious meatloaf she had ordered from “Room Service”. I kept trying to look in her eyes, her face, while she talked but I couldn’t stop staring at her hair. It didn’t look patchy like one would imagine. It was still mostly there-like she hadn’t lost any at all. A little thin, but normal to me. Then I saw her back and shoulders and the light was hitting them just right to show the slight yellow gold tint of stray hairs. Like ones you would pick off your sisters jacket in line at Target. I think now I have finally accepted the fact that my mother is sick.

 

Fuck you cancer. I hate you.

14 comments:

  1. Eghads, Katie... I'm WITH YA GIRL!!!

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  2. Hey Katie, think of all the fun we can have looking for wigs! Especially for the "Mexican Restaurant" one!

    For your edification, a friend of ours had two wigs. One for all the time, one for eating in Mexican restaurants so her good one wouldn't smell all the time. Isn't that just BRILLIANT?????

    I love you, it does suck, but we'll get through this together and be way better, IN ALL WAYS, on the other side of this.

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  3. Oh munchkin, you are so right. I had forgotten about this part of the big "C"- it REALLY IS one of the hardest. Seeing the hair go somehow makes it all so REAL. I don't think it really hit me that grandmother was "sick" until I walked in her house one day and kept staring at her knowing that something was "off" but not able to put my finger on what it was. After about half an hour, she exclaimed "well, are you going to say anything about my new 'do (i.e.her wig), or what"? We oohhed and aahhed over it as she bragged about granddaddy splurging on the "top of the line" one and weren't we all jealous that she wasn't going to have to worry about "good hair days" anymore? She joked about considering a Farrah Faucett-style long, blonde wig but deciding against it because granddaddy would get "too jealous" over all the admirers it would surely bring. Her "look on the bright side" spirit and ability to joke about it all was the only thing that kept me from bursting into tears and falling apart. How could I fall apart when she seemed to be enjoying the little joys of everyday life even more than before "C"? I see so much of that same determination in Penny- to keep on LAUGHING and LOVING in the face of "C". This woman isn't going anywhere anytime soon, she's got way too much LIVING left to do!!! I love all you Mac's!

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  4. i don't know what else to say except that i love you and her! see you soon. mccall

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  5. I couldn't agree more Katie...fuck cancer

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  6. Ditto Katie Mac! I love y'all! Hang in there!!

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  7. Hey Kaite,
    The "F" word is one I tell my children and my students NEVER to use----HOWEVER, I find that it is "most appropriate" in expressing exactly how I feel some (many) times. So, thanks Katie, for saying---in print---exactly what many (if not all) of us are thinking!

    On a good note, when Ed's hair fell out, it came back as a beautiful head of curly grey hair. Just think of this as a step in the process of getting a new "hair-do."

    Penny, I can't wait to see all the colorful scarves and hats you find. Maybe the "pair and a spare" people can knit you one.....

    Love and prayers,
    Glenda

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  8. Oops, guess I hit the wrong keys when typing Katie.....
    Sorry, Katie.
    Where the h _ _ _ is spell check???????
    Glenda

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  9. Penny,
    Did you get the video clip through your email? I hope it made you laugh!

    It is NINE degrees here (same as when I left work last night) but less wind today. Yesterday it was 21 degrees, but with 50 mph winds - can't even calculate the wind chill. You cannot put on enough clothes to be warm.
    Sue

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  10. I long for the days when women wore those fabulous hats - berets, flowers, even ten-gallon! Who cares, let's start a revolution - wear a hat today! Love,

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  11. Katie,

    Very well said.

    xoxo to you Ms. Penny.

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  12. Dear Katie, My name is Elizabeth of www.creativebreahting.blogspot.com I have been writing stories for a year now that your mother says she enjoys. I did not know that I could write when I began, and at times I feel as though some other hand has penned my words. Your mother wrote to me that "I wished she had stories to tell like Elizabeth". The gift of these words to me is no small thing. They have become the purpose of my life. Your words today are so honest and so beautiful and are so important. I wish you both a Happy New Year, Elizabeth

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